accepting ex’s new relationship


My ex-husband Brian (married for 35 yrs with 3 adult children) and I separated after it came to light that he had been having a 6 year affair with someone in Europe where he went on business. He is now on the other side of the country and has a new two-month old relationship. We speak often as we still have a common account, and remain on good terms because I chose not to burn bridges, as I knew this would be best for me. Our kids are still having difficulties over this, but because I am ok, they are following my lead. But I noticed that whenever I speak with Brian, my stomach feels anxious afterwards. Should I feel this anxiety more? Not sure how to do that. Is there another approach I can take? Thanks Brooke!

Unintentional
C: Brian and Jill are together
T: I have been replaced
F: Anxious, jealous, hurt, uncomfortable
A: Hold it in, wait for the bad feeling to go away
R: Still happens every time after we speak

Intentional
C: Brian and Jill are together
T: I accept this new relationship
F: Happy, free
A: Can help the kids accept and feel better
R: Doesn’t affect me