Accessing Thoughts


I am having a challenge in accessing my thoughts, the only thing I know is the feeling I am having and the triggers/circumstances making me feeling that way. Every time I ask why am I feeling this way, my mind is quiet and the feeling is intense. I usually go through this when people give me a job/task to do or even when I give myself a task/job to do. Examples: At work, every time my boss asks me to do something I panic, go in to extreme anxious and scared feeling, almost freeze then don’t do the job very well either. I function well, if I know some one is there on the team to help and then I also notice that I am to happy step down and also notice that I do want to be lead by them and not take any decisions. I refuse to take the lead and this has been very harming for my career growth. Examples: At Personal life: When I have to travel anywhere, take care of getting myself to do health check-ups. I feel constantly anxious and scared and then don’t figure it out on my own to take care of situation. I have noticed sometimes I just follow what my friends have done, for example, if they went to a doctor I just go to the same one when I know that doctor is far away to commute and don’t do the job of researching on my own who could be the best and nearest one around me. I know for sure the results this feeling is producing both in my personal and work life is not proving good and I want to figure the real culprit my “THOUGHTS”. Also, these feelings are making me almost stagnate and making my life stagnate. I would like to get help figuring out my thoughts here and also hear from your perspective what kind of thoughts usually leave you to such behaviors. Also, what probing questions can be asked when you have a blank quiet mind to spit out the thoughts.