Adding another child to our family


I have wanted a third child since my second was born. I suffer from extreme hypermedia gravidarum and was incapacitated for most of my first pregnant and all of my second. I also work. I’m almost 41. My husband works full time, and is also a very involved dad, committed to equity in the partnership and parenting. He’s not 100% on board with another kid and is very depleted with our current situation.

Now, my deadline I have set myself is looming (41st birthday) and, biologically, the time has come to decide.

I’m my mind, I have set it up with the child on one side and everything else (work opportunities, side projects, time with existing children, time with husband) on the other. This feels like flawed thinking, but it also feels true? If I’m severely sick again, I won’t be able to take on more clients, teach two university classes, take my kids camping by myself, work on my personal essays and other projects I have shelved since my oldest was born, go on dates … (I also realize I may not even be able to get pregnant, which is a whole other thing to do models on.)

What am I missing here? Or is it just accepting the postponement of the other stuff and embracing the cost of the joy of adding a new human? Am I trying to have it all, all at once and that’s the problem?

I have two concurrently running models:

C third baby
T Adding another human will bring us all so much joy and opportunity to grow even closer
F Love
A Try to get pregnant
R Embrace the pregnancy

C third baby
T This will close many doors and add so much stress to the family beginning with pregnancy
F Stress
A Stew about the decision
R Don’t make a decision / worry