Adult Mother/Daughter Mind Drama

I’m 45 years old and have believed for all this time that I am the invisible child. I have an older brother who has always been the chosen one. This is a thought I chose, but that has had a lot of facts attached. My mother and I have a very bumpy relationship, and I live 2000 miles away from both my parents and my brother bc living near them is too difficult.

My father recently died after a 12 year battle with brain cancer. I’d been working hard in the model and changing my thoughts and was able to go home to say my goodbyes to my father. We had some words between us that I will cherish forever. But I wasn’t there when he died.

All the old stories have resurfaced and the time with family is crushing me. I guess my question is this:

Is it wrong to separate from family, to choose not to try and see the good, but to choose my self care and wellness, and to remove myself from the toxicity? Is it quitting? Is it failing the model? Am I doing it wrong? I’m leaving the relationships in shambles, and fear I’ll live in resentment and bitterness, but talking about it has never ended well with my mother, and I’m physically drained of trying.

Thank you.