Hi Brooke,

I’ve known I was a people-pleaser for awhile, but it’s not until I did last month’s work on self-confidence that I discovered how much of a driver it has been in my life. I have begun to change this, and it feels great. I remind myself everyday, if I approve of myself, I don’t need anyone else’s approval. I am a kind, good person, and if I show up to honor myself and others, I do not have to people-please.

As you might imagine, I have avoided any sort of conflict all my life. I want to practice processing fear and anger, my main resistance modes. Can you help me with these models re: conflict?

Unintentional:
C: mother-in-law yells and calls husband dummy
T: WTF, not again, she’s so mean and crazy and such a child
F: anger
A: anger balls up in my body
R: i feel crazy

Intentional:
C: mother-in-law yells and calls husband dummy
T: ? the most believable thought i can muster now is that she’s a crazy person, of course she’s going to act this way, duh.
F: begrudging acceptance (LOL)
A: ?
R: ?

Unintentional:
C: cleaning lady
T: if i assert myself to critique her work, she’ll dislike me
F: fear, worry
A: spin in silence
R: i dislike me

Intentional:
C: cleaning lady
T: if she doesn’t like me as much after asking her to do better, that’s ok
F: compassionate & assertive
A: give her feedback
R: ?

THANK YOU!!