Last night I pushed too hard during a session. She was not used to being coached that way and stated that she did not like that at all. It’s good to know. And I can definitely make sure that I change my style and slow down for her. I think it has to do with needing to get a model within the 10 minutes and now is the time to learn how to slow down. Plus she came with a model she had already been coached on so it wasn’t really relevant .That was hard because she was struggling to find what she was going to say. She felt like she was messing it up. At the time, I didn’t mind because I thought I could coach any situation but now that it’s over, I am a little miffed. I think she didn’t open up to the idea that I could honestly help her because she has gotten coached so much. Her faith in my ability to help her wasn’t there. And then I pushed harder and faster than she wanted which diminished her belief in me. She said those words in the feedback. The next 6 weeks should be interesting. I want to be a good coach. I want to have my style. But I also need to learn how to read other people’s body language. Different people will want space held differently. I can learn how to do that.
But I keep thinking, I did it again. I screwed up early and if I don’t get this right I will sully the next 6 weeks. When that thought comes up, I acknowledge that she did say certain words to her. I also acknowledge that I can learn how and when to push hard and when to give more space. What I am having a harder time coaching myself on is the thought that she didn’t trust in my ability to coach her in the first place or she would have come with something prepared. It seems very possible that this was her thought.
C: She said “I have already been coached so often on this but I needed something for you to coach me on.”
T: She doesn’t trust that I could help her or she would have brought a topic she wanted help with.
A: don’t look at the good of the session, justify what I coached the way I did, view of her is altered, judgement after session increased, try to understand why she didn’t bring something, spend time thinking about that single aspect of the session, wanted to reach out to past peer and tell her all about it but didn’t because I was still miffed and not seeing clearly
R: I become someone who can’t be trusted to be as non judgmental
I obviously don’t like what that’s creating for me. But my brain keeps offering all the reasons why she came to a coaching session without a topic. Last thought I just had was that next time I can pull out a worksheet for her and go from there. Any insights into my model would be helpful. Thank you.