Aggressive husband

All through my marriage I thought: my husband is aggressive, he is a difficult person, I can’t handle him. These thoughts made me feel angry, resentful, and frustrated. He used to command, humiliate, control, yell, and cheat… then I come here and understand he is not making me feel those emotions but my thoughts. I own that, I understand that I take my power back by setting boundaries, by observing myself (thoughts, emotions, traumas). Now he tells me, see I’m not aggressive.  Your perception of how I act makes you think I’m aggressive, it is not me. Other people had asked me how can you live with his behavior, so I’m not the only one who perceived his way of being as aggressive or humiliating. Am I taking away his responsibility and owning too much for myself?

Thank you