All the answers


Have you ever know that person who has all the answers, knowledgeable about everything always appears in control and in charge. That person is me. Less affectionately known as a “know it all”. And I have to add I didn’t enjoy people disagreeing with me on a topic I was educated in. I’m 62 and didn’t realize this was me until about 15 years ago. My awareness started as a whisper and is now a roar. Comments from others like “we can’t all be as perfect as you” and “yes she knows everything about everything” or seeing my sister roll her eyes as someone mentioned Japan and I started speaking in Japanese.
Still it took a while to take hold.
I really enjoy being around confident articulate people. But I think my behavior has been driven more out of wanting the attention and appreciation of those around me. When I’m with people I can’t wait to share my opinion or tell my story.
Scholars has helped me to look beyond my behavior and be curious as to why. However as my awareness has grown so has my shame about it. The very thing I’m seeking which is approval is producing the opposite effect on people. I definitely haven’t stopped overnight. I was on a group online video call last night. I realized afterwards despite my consciousness I still do it. Not as much and I am aware but I still did it to a lesser degree. I feel embarrassed afterwards and it sticks with me.
I know there isn’t a question here. But as I start growing this part of myself I would really appreciate some help and insight.