Whenever I think of the prospect of allowing *all* urges for the rest of my life — i.e., a lifetime of allowing urges to overeat without acting on them — that feels impossible. Intellectually, “I want to not want” to overeat. And while I have much improved in my allowance of urges, there is one thought that still gets me: “You can ‘afford’ to overeat once a week and still lose weight.” So, just like Brooke used to excitedly anticipate her nightly 5pm drinking, I look forward to the one day a week where I let loose and eat everything to my desire. Because I plan it 24 hours in advance, I tell myself it isn’t an uncontrolled binge. But the next day, I still wake up feeling disappointed in myself. I get *way* too much pleasure and excitement from this weekly ritual, and I genuinely don’t want food to be that kind of crutch for me anymore because the net result is still negative.
On the flip side, the idea of not having one day a week where I can “let loose” and indulge feels constricting.
Are there thoughts that may be useful for me as I cross this river of misery and become the person who *genuinely* doesn’t look forward to a once a week overeating ritual?