Allowing anxiety around feeling pride, in order to be okay with feeling pride

Hello, can you help me with allowing the emotion of pride?

I’ve been putting “successful” in my F line of “how I would feel with signing 10 clients, being a good parent, etc” basically everything in my life. I want to feel successful.

When I got coached in SCS, the coach suggested that “successful” could be a descriptive word, not exactly a feeling. She asked when I’m thinking, I am successful, what would I be feeling?

At the time, I tried to resist my brain offering up the feeling “proud.”

Here’s my 1st model:

C my coaching
T People want my help.
F pride
A I help them. I improve my ability to help them (self-coach, study LSC materials for certification, peer coach, evaluate). I do everything I can to get better at coaching people.
R I create being an amazing coach that helps people and is in demand.

My brain has all the thoughts about pride, and even a story when I was a kid about how I was winning at an athletics carnival and I made up a song that basically was about how I was the best, and how I was winning. I sang the song to my classmates and basically rubbed it in their noses. It was the only year I had really trained hard, and I felt good that my training had paid off. I think I was probably grade 4. I still feel guilty about that.

Here’s a sample model for how I feel when I think about feeling pride.

C me
T It’s bad to feel pride.
F anxious
A My stomach churns, my bottom lip wobbles and tenses. I judge myself poorly for feeling pride. I feel guilt and shame.
R I feel bad about myself, and my feelings.

This is coming up when I tell people I’m a life coach. I’m ducking my head and sort of not showing how thrilled and proud I am to be able to help my clients.

Even now, writing this, I can feel anxious. And I want to feel pride. How do I go about moving from anxious to allowing myself to feel pride when I tell people I’m a life coach, and feel okay about feeling it?

Answering my own question – I guess I could look at all the thoughts that are open to me about pride: eg. pride is okay. Feeling pride is good. Other people feel pride and it creates a positive emotional experience for them.

And, I could maybe allow the anxiety around feeling pride. Rather than resisting the anxiety, and therefore resisting the opportunity to move through it and be open to feeling pride. It feels uncomfortable to allow anxiety though.