I am in my 4th month of scholars. I love what I have been able to accomplish here. It is amazing! I do have one question that I can’t seem to resolve. I have a lot of anxiety. The anxiety is almost always around our financial situation. I have done tons of thought work and models around this situation.
Yet, every day at some point the anxiety creeps back in. The feeling that my thought is causing is fear. The anxiety comes because I don’t want to feel fear. I usually will recognize the thought and go through the model and the fear and anxiety will diminish. I have wondered though does it keep coming back because I don’t want to feel it?
Does it keep coming back because I haven’t fully allowed the emotion even after 4 months? Does it ever go completely away? I have sat with the emotion, I have taken myself through what I think is feeling the whole emotion, yet it returns. I also wondered if it is just the fact that those neuropathways are so well worn that I just have a lot of work to do to not get stuck in fear and move on with my new thought?
I can tell it’s not as strong as it used to be. Before scholars I was crippled with fear, I was crippled with my negative thoughts. I now move through my day with determination and confidence. The thoughts come a few times a day instead of constantly. This is definite improvement. I have learned what thoughts I need to focus on. I just wondered if I understood correctly. In some of my study I seem to remember learning that it isn’t resolved until you fully allow that emotion, until you aren’t afraid of that emotion. I definitely don’t like to feel fear, but I recognize now it is an emotion and it can’t hurt me and I recognize the thoughts that are causing it, but is that fully allowing it?