Almost adult children


I have a 17 year old son, he will be 18 is about 6 weeks and so sees himself as an adult.
We have been butting heads a lot lately, I get really frustrated and yell at him. I feel like he needs to have and show more respect to me as he lives in my house. He does very minimal as far as contributing or chores to the house hold. He eats a lot and doesn’t clean up after himself, I don’t care what he eats but the not cleaning drives me crazy!
He leaves lights on all night, he’ll come home and leave the front door unlocked, he’s noisy, has very long showers and uses all the hot water – generally just before I’m about to have a shower to go to bed so I can get up and go to work the next day, while in the shower he plays his music loud enough for it to be heard throughout the house after my partner has gone to bed, he slams doors.
I love him but his behaviour is driving me crazy, well my thoughts about his behaviour are driving me crazy.
Tonight my partner had gone to bed and my son went to have a shower, at 2215 my partner messaged me asking me to get my son to turn his music off. I went to the bathroom, pressed pause on my sons phone and told him the music had to stay off, he argued so I said I was going to take the phone, he grabbed the sleeve of my t-shirt refusing to let me leave with his phone, by this time my partner had gotten up and demanded the phone, telling my son that he needed to do as he was told and to have more respect.
My son then decided that I would have to wake him up so he can go to school tomorrow, I told him no, that he needs to be more responsible for himself, he yelled at me that I had taken his phone and he had no other way to wake himself up. So for the past 2 hours my son has been fluffing around the house and saying that he’s not going to school tomorrow as he can’t get up in time.
I really do believe that he needs to step up and be more responsible for himself and have more respect for me, my partner and our home. I am so frustrated and then berate myself for yelling and not being more in control of my thoughts, feelings and actions. I then over eat and feel like I have even less control of my life.
I love him so much and don’t want him to go out into the world as an obnoxious human no matter how worthy they’re supposed to be.
This sounds so winey but it’s how I’m feeling.