Am I addicted to Self-Coaching Scholars?

I’m learning so much about myself and my abilities and the abilities I can create by being in SCS. This is truly exciting to me and I’m all in, every day. Financially, I’m seeing the end of my reserves set aside for SCS and I only have Feb and maybe March left. I know the money won’t magically appear because it’s not an account connected to a paycheck. This makes me feel so sad because I see myself as a lifelong SCS. I’m thinking of ways to make more sales in one of my businesses and then also having a small online garage sale to generate funds to keep paying for this valuable program. Is this addictive behavior? I start feeling nervous about not being in SCS.

Maybe this all stems from my thought/belief that my husband will not approve the monthly price of the program. It makes me feel nervous about being enrolled and ashamed that I’ve already spent two months worth of funds to pay for January and February. I’m paying from my personal checking account that he can’t see. Money is tight right now and we don’t have an extra $300 each month that is not already assigned to a bill. I see the long-term value in SCS, but I believe he won’t. And, even if he does, I don’t think he’ll be on board with me spending $300/month on this program.

Perhaps this is an opportunity for me to learn how to generate money each month that is of my own efforts, outside of my W2 salary that just automatically comes in. One of my goals is to quit my W2 job in 18 months and become a real estate professional, so generating income is a skill I need to improve.

My deepest question is this: am I addicted to SCS because I keep the price from my husband? Am I addicted to SCS because I’m hurrying to sell some stuff just to get enough money for the next month’s payment?