Am I being manipulative?


My parents have expressed their dissatisfaction with “the way my husband and I treat them” (their words) in the past. I’ve felt in the past like I need to walk on eggshells around them. But, thanks to Scholars, I now know that I can’t affect their thoughts about me, I can only choose how I want to show up and try to be a what I consider to be a “good daughter/person” to make myself proud.

Here’s a model I’ve been playing around with:

C: notice parents whispering
T: they think I’m being rude/am not spending enough time with them
F: judged
A: get offended, question my behavior, look for evidence that I am being rude, decide to invite them to dinner this week to spend more time with them
R: I’m happy with my choices and I like who I am

I guess my question is, by inviting them to dinner, am I trying to manipulate their opinion of me? I do think they judged me unfairly in the situation I modeled above, and that inviting them to dinner this week will please them. I also am happy to have dinner with them and my kids, think it will probably be fun, and will be a good opportunity for them to see my family before we go out of town for a while. I feel like I’m doing it for me/my family but *also* to make my parents see that I’m not rude. How do I settle this in my brain?