Am I blaming or being blamed


I am married to a transgendered woman and as she has gone thru her transition she is being more authentic and genuine. Unfortunately for me some of that comes as anger directed at me. In the last few months since joining SCS I have really being working on my “I” statements, trying to own my stories etc. However when I try to talk to her about some of my struggles using appropriate language all she hears is me blaming her. I have searched inside myself and I dont feel that I am blaming her. My “love language”is to have deep meaningful conversation but I am coming to the conclusion that it may not be possible for us to do that anymore ( we used to be able to) and I can feel my stories of sadness and lonliness coming up and I am trying to own them as I recognize them. I keep thinking love is about sharing and talking and growing. I feel like I should be able to share my thoughts, feelings and vulnerablities without her feeling like I am blaming her. I guess I just dont know how to “be” with her and not share my feelings. I just listened to the podcasts today on blaming and responsibility and did a lot of writing. I know I have my shortcomings and frankly this transition ( 4yrs and counting) at times has been extremely difficult emotionally. I have not always responded in the best of ways. However I have always strived to accept her path and her choices knowing I had to grow too if I wanted to remain and she was very clear she wanted me stay. I love her…and thats a choice I stand by regardless of gender.

I am not even sure what my question is….I just feel so frustrated. She acts so hurt and angry when I share and yet my sharing is coming from “I” statements and verbally owning my stuff . Sometimes I just want some acknowledgement of my struggle to understand the new normal, to be assured I am still loved, to be assured she wants to be here with me. I can be needy I suppose but she had no problems doing this pre transition. Now she seems not always emotionally present and quick to feel blamed if I say I feel alone.
If I analyze why I think she is doing this she hates it when I do. I know I can only look at my own behaviors but she is saying I am blaming and I look at her and think she is acting like a victim. If I am blaming I dont know how to recognize it because I just cant see it.
Am I blaming or being blamed?
Sorry for the long ramble. I am at my wits end with this.
Marion