Am I Doing the February HW Correctly?

I’m new to scholars. Every day I do the thought download which is random of whatever comes to mind. Is that correct? Or am I supposed to be putting these thoughts in a “model”. I’m listening to all the videos while I’m working. Lucky me that I am able to do that so I feel I can absorb and then repeat when I’m ready to sit down and do the work w/the video. I thank you so much for creating the app!

Anyhow, to get back to hw – I flip the page and write whatever my dominant feeling was yesterday. And, fill out the rest – yet feel I’m not “finished” like I should be doing more work with releasing my “why” before jumping into “what do I want to accomplish” which has nothing to do with why or my feelings from yesterday. Surely, I want today to be positive but I’m having a hard time switching. Is it because my brain wants to stay there? So for instance, most times it has been negative feelings from yesterday even though I may have an intention to create better feelings. My day might start out with the good intention but yet everything that is happening around me prevents it. Hey is that a model right there? I’m trying my best to “how can I generate this emotion for myself”. Should I constantly be switching my thoughts all day to this. I don’t want to fall victim everyday reacting to situations, I’m well aware that I’m reacting and not responding and I’m in control of my own feelings but I’m actually doing all this reacting in my head not really “outward and voicing it” if that makes sense. I want to blame everything outside of me which I know is going into blame, victim mode and self pity. Which after being aware of everything this is the very place I’m living in. I don’t at all want to be there. I feel like all this work (not just in scholars but these last 2 years in trying to get past limiting beliefs) is making me feel worse and uncomfortable and holding me back from showing up in my coaching business. Yet, it wasn’t like this before.

I don’t want to have that victim mentality. I’m struggling to get a hold of my own thought process that is causing all this.

With that said, I am totally becoming aware that when a situation arises and I can choose to feel a certain way. For instance, yesterday, my friend said something that hurt my feelings in a text that she thought was a joke. I thought to myself why am I sad? I have total control that I don’t need to feel sad if I don’t want to. What are the thoughts about myself that is causing me to feel sad? I took a minute to respond and assess. I was really feeling sad over something probably stupid – but honestly I really don’t feel that it was stupid like it was a total low blow to poke fun at me (like something is wrong with me). I thought to myself – that is the way they “perceive me” :(. I felt like “wow – these girls are suppose to be my best friends” It all came back to self pity and my low self-esteem :(. Darn how can I get past this.

I know there are a lot of questions here. I seem to go down a rabbit hole when I’m writing these. Thank you!!!