Hello,
I’ve been using coaching with Scholars to work towards finding a romantic partner to build a life with, but have struggled with believing it is an achievable result, particularly while being disappointed that I have not yet met someone despite my efforts. I recently spoke with a coach about feeling like I am not in control because my goal is contingent on another person, who I haven’t even met yet.

A recent coaching session helped me address the thought that finding a partner is outside of my control. I am now beginning to believe that it is, in fact, within my control. So my model went from:
Unintentional model:
C) I am dating
T) Whether I meet someone is out of my control
F) Defeated, resigned, hopeless
A) Not being all-in/not making full effort, not being open
R) Haven’t met someone yet

I am working towards this intentional model:
C) I am dating
T) Meeting a partner is within my control; it is achievable and I will make it happen
F) Hopeful, motivated
A) Persist in dating even when a date doesn’t work out; proactively ask for what I want
R) ….? Meet someone?

I guess I’m not convinced that my result is “meet a life partner!” I also worry that I’m still reliant on a circumstance as a goal.
When we apply the model to dating, is there a risk that we can get attached to this external thing (a boyfriend/partner/husband)? In the process to get there, it feels like anything short of that isn’t enough.