2 years ago, my husband had an emotional affair with his HR director. He eventually woke up and realized he absolutely loved me and would be devastated to lose me, but then chose to end the affair by simple stopping and letting her figure it out. Obviously (to me not him), he was avoiding the awkward and uncomfortable part, and on top of that he didn’t was to risk her not liking him (again me, not him), so he stayed quite warm and friendly, just no more affair kind of stuff.
Today our relationship is in many ways better than ever. He is very loving and attentive and all the things with me, and I also worked on my stuff to be a better, more present partner.
The problem is that he still works very closely with this woman and I hate it. No matter how wonderful he is with me, the moment I know he is meeting with her or having casual office conversation with her, even if others are there, I feel deeply offended and ashamed. Offended he would give her the time of day beyond the absolute necessity, offended that he never just told her straight up that he ended the affair because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, and then ashamed that I stay with a man who chooses to maintain a friendly relationship with a woman he cheated on me with.
Please help me. We are so good when it is just us, and I don’t want to get a divorce. I left for 6 weeks to try to figure this out, but he is standing firm. He says he is friendly with her the way he is with everyone in the office, and it would be weird if he wasn’t.
He keeps asking me to focus on us (which is really good) instead of focusing on them. He said if this is going to work, I need to accept that as long as he is at that company, he needs to work closely with her. (She runs HR and has several other roles that he needs to interact with her on.) He is the CEO so doesn’t want to leave that position lightly.
QUESTIONS:
Is there any way to think about this that isn’t shameful? If a woman stays with a man who maintains a friendship with the other woman… is there any way that is not weak and wrong and pathetic?
I guess I’m trying to figure out, I am wrong to tolerate this? or I am just not letting things go and moving on?
