An unhelpful but entrenched thought pattern

Hi coaches. I’ve been in Scholars for a few months now & have found it extremely valuable in understanding my thought patterns, and how they become obstacles in my life. I do models & journaling daily, and keep returning to an underlying thought pattern, or mental image, that I feel is fueling much of the way I feel & think. And of course then my actions, too.

The main thought that I keep bumping up against is that I SHOULD be ‘progressing / developing / improving’ in my life (manifests in certain areas) but that in practice I keep dealing with one problem and then while problem 1 improves, problem 2 rears its ugly head. The Greek myth of ‘lernaia hydra’ comes to mind: a monster with many heads – you cut off one head but another one appears. I can give you many examples of areas where this manifests (weight loss, keeping my home tidy & organised, my work, goals with my family…) but the point I am trying to convey is that my goal-oriented nature trips me up here, with this image.

I end up not enjoying my everyday life & always feel I’m not doing enough and that somehow the ‘monster’ should have all its ‘heads chopped off’.

I hope the metaphor makes sense! I’m so glad I joined Scholars as I have had the opportunity to really explore this way of thinking, which clearly has been going on underground for years and affects the way I experience my life, explains how much I push myself.

Here are my models today on this, I need some help progressing with this, shifting it. I have left my intentional model quite empty because I don’t want to fill the A line yet: I think it’s the T line that needs to be worked on…

Unintentional model
C: my life
T: thought / feeling of ‘many headed monster’ (Lernaia Hydra) – I deal with problems but inevitably others pop up, I am stuck with everything
F: claustrophobic, confined
A: affects gloomy mood, can affect actions then as they spring from a ‘stuck’, claustrophobic feeling, affects confidence, robs me of my joy in everyday life, underlines idea of me ‘not being enough, not doing enough’
get stuck in inaction
but most importantly as stated above, actions then come from despairing & negative feelings
R: treat my life as a project that has to be solved, don’t enjoy it

Intentional model
C: my life
T: ???
F: gratitude
A: ??
R: I enjoy & value my life