Is it buffering to analyze my inlaws during and after a holiday gathering? I wonder how I would feel if I just ignored the negative emotions created by being with them? Accepting them for who they are and making a decision to not allow their behavior affect how I feel about myself or my husband. Isn’t it interesting that I have always thought it normal to process their behaviors, comments? We do this as a family always ( my family being my husband, 2 daughters and I). Maybe because it is so loaded and we all have strong emotions during and after they come. But maybe we are doing this all wrong and processing is inappropriate. Perhaps we should just be like ” They are who they are and thats ok now what shall we do with the rest of our evening now that they are gone?”. I am confused. If we don’t discuss it and make that the new rule is that better or worse? It definitely creates more drama to discuss it. I know for me it compounds the negative emotions because then I feel guilty about talking about them behind their back. I try to look for things I could do better to make it more comfortable. I feel bad they love coming and always want to come but I get stressed about it. I have tried avoiding them ( working on a holiday or weekend day they are coming which is easy for me cuz I work in a hospital). Can you help me make some models? C: mother in law. T: I am a bad daughter inlaw F shame A talk about her repelling behaviors R feel validated but guilty. C mother in law. T accept and love her as she is. A. Don’t analyze her and the way I choose to feel about her R. Denial? Peace?