Anger


I was wondering if there are any resources in scholars for managing anger? I have done work on my past. I believe that anger is a problem in my life and giving me a net negative result. I want to change this. I’ve done some independent work on myself with this because I haven’t found anything anger-specific. I have carried anger from my childhood into adulthood and it manifests through yelling at my family.

In my own work I have found that the anger was the way I protected myself when I was little. Some T’s I came up with around anger while journaling this morning:

T When I was little, it made me feel big and powerful
T Getting angry is easier than facing the truth
T It creates distance between myself and others so I’m “safe”
T It’s me crying out for my own attention
T I don’t feel seen. By myself or anyone else.

I’m making the yelling and anger in my adult life mean that I am setting a terrible example for my kids. I desire to break the cycle of anger in my family. I know I can do better.

Before I get angry, I am noticing that my head feels like it’s “swirling.” But by that point it feels too late. I “boil” over and lose my temper and I am slamming cabinets, yelling at my family, acting like an emotional child – I have a lot of judgements around my behavior. I know I have agency over my entire body and my actions but it feels like I am not in control – like anger takes over and I’ve relinquished the reins. I am ready to do some real work in this area. What can I do to break the cycle?