Anger and weight loss

I’m spending time with my parents this week after not having seen them in a year. In that time they have lost 50 lbs between them. They are looking and feeling great, which of course is wonderful. They have dieted their way to this weight and the diet plan and their success has been a major topic of nearly every conversation. Meanwhile my impossible goal of weight loss has not produced many results that are visible to them. They have aimed quite a few comments at me about my “failure” and I have heard them discuss others people’s need to lose weight, which I find appalling and so inappropriate. I can only imagine what they say about me behind my back.

Interestingly enough, this creates a desire for me to lose weight, but out of anger and a desire to “get back at them.” Yesterday I considered eating no food at all except lettuce out of revenge. I was thinking about never coming to visit them again until I weigh significantly less, and I promised myself I wouldn’t share with them ANYTHING about how I did it.

Obviously this is some major emotional childhood which is the place I settle into when I’m around my parents (I’m 53 yrs old, *sigh*). I’m doing TDLs and models but I’m curious about why I want to “hurt” myself by revenge dieting to spite them. Except it wouldn’t even be spite bc it would thrill them.

Do you have any insights for me?