Anger at mom’s reaction to me moving abroad


I am trying to apply coaching I just saw on a call to a situation in my own life: my mom’s “guilt tripping” me for moving abroad for a year, which has been a dream of mine for a long time. I made the move a few months ago and am loving the experience so far. My mom has said things like (before I left) “I don’t want you to go” and “What if something happens, how will I get there?” and (when I tell her something great about the experience now that I’m here) “Oh no, it’s going to be good and you’re going to love it and want to stay.”

I have a lot of Ts about this. A few samples from my thought download: she is guilt tripping me, it is wrong and unfair of her to tell me this stuff — she should be supportive and should deal with these Ts and Fs on her own and/or share them with a friend or my dad, she has always used me and my sibling to fulfill her emotional needs, she has been doing this shit to me since I was a kid and I’m sick of it, I can remember feeling guilty when I went to kindergarten because she was crying and talking about how hard it was for her, this is an unfair burden to put on your kids.

I realize now after listening to a coaching call about a different situation (with a person talking about stuff her husband said) that I am really angry because I’m afraid and sad, and I’m afraid and sad because of the things I say to myself about my mom’s comments: I must be a bad daughter, it’s unfair of me to leave the country if it makes my mom unhappy, how selfish of me, I know I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings but she’s my *mom*, this whole thing (my living abroad for a year) is selfish, self-indulgent and pointless, I should move close to home for the rest of my mom’s life so she will be happy, I could make my mom happy but am choosing not to, I’m abandoning my mom.

So, I’m angry at my mom because of the Fs caused by the things I tell myself in response to the things she says. I’m angry she says these things about my living abroad because I don’t want to have the Fs that my own thoughts/beating myself up cause.

Does this sound about right? If so, do you have suggestions for how I can work on this? I know I can choose to not say these things to myself, but deep down I believe them. It feels like white knuckling/lying to myself if I say stuff like, “You can be a good daughter and still do your dreams.” My brain will say, “But you’re still making your mom unhappy.” (Yes, I know technically I am not making her unhappy, but my brain seems to be stuck on this idea there’s a “mom exception” to general rules.)