Anger at Work

When I am at work (and even outside of work) I can get impatient and frustrated with people and can become a rude disrespectful person and then I shame myself for it. I know I need to let go of the shame and I am working at it, but I really want to try some awareness as to what I think to cause this instant anger and frustration, so I can become a much nicer person to work with.

I want to be patient, respectful, and kind always, no matter if there is a lot of work to do but my “go-to” is always immediate anger & frustration and I am struggling to find the thought that happens. I have tried an unintentional model but really struggle with this.

I can see where it has been modeled from as my father had a very quick temper growing up, so I feel that I learned his behavior of how to deal with things through anger and actually don’t know how to process it any other way?

Unintentional Model:
C: Meetings/people asking me questions or to do things
T: ???(not sure)…….. maybe: There’s’ too much to do/I can’t do this with everything I have got going on/I need time to work the answer out/I don’t know the answer right now
F: Anger / Frustration
A: Rude & disrespectful to my friends & colleagues
R: People have to walk around on eggshells around me as they are scared of me… which leads to me feeling shame

Intentional Model
C: Meetings / people asking me questions or to do things
F: Confidence (?)
A: I listen patiently, answer what I can and give realistic time frames on when I can work out the rest
R: I am kind person to work with who can handle stress easily

This is a big piece and I really hope to work this out as I don’t want to always get angry and rude at my colleagues and friends.