I am currently triggered. I’m aware it’s all me, yet I seem to struggle with confrontation and boundary setting and oftentimes I swallow my boundaries in the name of “taking responsibility” when really I’m hurting myself. I honestly don’t know what a true boundary is. So oftentimes what happens is someone crosses a line and I can’t tell if I’m just triggered cause of my old stories or if they crossed a boundary that I need to set. I genuinely don’t know the difference.
This has been happening all week with my roommate, but in this particular case I’m gonna use one of my MLM uplines as an example. He sent me the following verbatim message:
“Yo dude. When you enroll new peeps you gotta nurture them!! U want ur peeps hitting their bonus. I wanna get on a call with you so we can create better engagement from your ambassadors.”
When I read this it triggered all my stories about why I can’t have a boss or upline and why I hate authority. I’ve always been rebellious. Here is my download:
-Ugh I fucking hate when people tell me what to do.
-I hate being commanded.
-I can’t stand when someone tries to give me advice without permission.
-People need to mind their own damn business.
-I’m too much of a rebel to have any upline or boss other than my life coaches.
-I’m sick of people telling me what to do.
-He could go worry about himself.
-I should leave network marketing and just focus on my coaching business and Tik Tok.
-No one can tell me what to do if I’m not in network marketing.
The most embarrassing part of this whole thing is what happened after my thought download. He says “oh my God wrong Carlos so sorry about that! The other Carlos and I have a similar relationship.”
I am laughing as I type this. The win in this is I did not beat myself up at all. I saw I was triggered, and this is a powerful opportunity to come to Ask a coach and get coached. I was even honest with him about being triggered and how it brought up a lot of my old stories and thanked him for the opportunity to heal this with my coaching program (SCS).
How can I distinguish between taking boundaries in a “taking responsibility” kind of energy, and blaming the other and calling it “boundaries?” How can I stop “hating” authority? The only authority I respect is my coaches really. Even with my own parents I can be quite rebellious and confrontational. I’ve quit so many jobs because I was talked down to by a customer or by management because of very low tolerance for being told what to do or disrespected.