I am angry about this guy I’m seeing’s approach texting. I don’t really understand where the anger is coming from because we’ve always texted in this way, and I’ve mostly found it nice; we are each wring a chunk of messages written once-ish a day. but I read an enormous amount into the bits of variation in that “ish”. Trying to find the thoughts – I think I am thinking: “it has been going on for a while now – so our communication should change”. “We should text more often”, “we should see each other more often”, “he should want to see me more often” “I should want to see him more often”. I think I want him to text more want him to tell me what he is up to more, but also occasionally when this happens I get stressed out about having the time to reply.
It’s Tuesday now and he suggested yesterday that we see each other Friday but I can’t make it (it is my flatmate’s birthday). He has plans Saturday and I am IRRATIONALLY thinking that he is being selfish and not prioritising me by having plans with his flatmate Saturday. WHEN I AM DOING THE SAME THING. I am thinking “ugh then we cannot see each other for a whole WEEK” which is the way it has always been. Intellectually there is no point at which I wouldn’t want to make time for my friends and him to make time for his friends – and I literally do not have time to see him before the weekend, but i’m somehow still offended he has not asked to hang out.
I feel sick as well because I have loads of work to do but find myself obsessing about all of this instead of doing the work.
I’m thinking
“something has changed”
“he is pissed off with me”
“he is not interested anymore”
“how dare he not reply quicker”
“he should prioritise me over everything else”
I’m confused and end up spending a LOT of time wondering what he is thinking and wanting and not what I want.
Also this has been a really lovely thing so far. My thoughts have been that it is great we see each other once a week and have a lovely time together, and there is no intense pressure to message all the time, he is pretty and he is interesting etc etc. But I think that because I am stressed about other things (my thesis) I am trying to avoid thinking about that by creating a big drama about texting this guy