I noticed a pattern that when I get angry with my husband I eat something (not something good for me). It’s like I turn the anger inward.
Part of unpacking this is that maybe I’m using thought work against me… the thought is, if I’m feeling angry it’s because of my thinking so instead of bothering him with it I’ll just do some models.
C Husband says he thinks I can get the results I want on my own (without a coach)
T He’s just bossing me around instead of listening to me
A End the conversation, eat cookies, get irritated over every movement he makes, withdraw from my family, eat cookies, stop focusing on my goals
R I give him all my power and lose sight of my goals
C Husband says we don’t need to move
T He’s keeping me from the home I want
A Mull over how our neighborhood is all wrong for us, look at real estate ads, keep bringing it up, show him other apartments, question how we raise our family and what our home is like
R I keep me from the home I want
C Husband says he doesn’t think we should meet with a financial planner
T He’s been using the same approach for 12 years about our money (“we’ll look at investments when we are living below our means”) and it will never change!
T Anger, frustration
F Argue with him about the meeting, mull over how he’s wrong and always like this, use this as evidence that he holds me back
R I use my tired old approach to him
So… I get all these models and in the moment my thought (I guess a secondary model is)…
C Have anger at husband
T I just need to do the work
F unmotivated? (to stay engaged in the current issue)
A end the conversations, withdraw, don’t share my experience, don’t process the emotion, eat, buffer, eventually run a model or take it to a session
R I do the models but not the work of honoring my feelings