I experience anxiety, tingling in my arms and legs, tightness in my throat, shoulders, temples, and arm and leg muscles, short breathing, frowning slightly, light pressure in my chest.
I think about things that happened in the past that I did not like. My boyfriend yelling at me, being fired from jobs, things my family members did that annoyed or hurt me, or being rejected or hurt by friends or past partners/lovers. A car accident I experienced. My kids experiencing chronic illness. My twin stepbrothers passing away before me and the rest of my siblings.
I worry about things in the future. A medical procedure I should schedule that I’ve been procrastinating. If I am performing well in my job. If I will get hired permanently or fired from my job. If my kids illnesses will get worse. If my family will say or do things I don’t like when I visit. If my boyfriend will be unkind to me, leave me, or cheat on me. If my friends, family, and neighbors are mad at me or dislike me. If I will be able to lose weight. If I am spending too much time volunteering.
I think I have underlying emotions of greif, sorrow, anger, and self-criticism.
I think I want to control the future with my actions. I think if I do the right things at the right time, and stay vigilant, things will work out better for me. But I am struggling to rest and relax. I sometimes wake up at 3-4:00 am in the morning and can’t go back to sleep, and that has happened 3x this week.
C: Anxiety, insomnia
T: I need to relax so I can stop feeling this in my body
A: Lay in bed, think about things that went wrong or could go wrong, think about things I could do or think I should do, remember things that happened that I don’t like, worry about things that are coming up
R: I don’t relax or fall asleep
C: Anxiety, insomnia
T: Maybe I don’t need as much sleep as I think I do
A: Lay in bed and try to go back to sleep, let myself get up if I want to, think kinder thoughts about myself, relax my body, accept that I experience sensations in my body and accept that sometimes I am not asleep when I think I should be. Stop making terrible lists in my head.
T: What if I don’t have to solve these issues now?
A: Relax my body, stop making lists in my head, think about one thing at a time, stop overloading myself with internal stimuli, be present in my body, accept that sometimes I don’t sleep during the hours I have scheduled. Stop making myself wrong for not doing all the things.
I think I might feel better if I said no more and was able to relax and reduce buffering, and spent more time nurturing and supporting myself over criticizing myself.
Any feedback is appreciated, thanks for your help.