Just now when I was in the shower, I started having stomach pain and a jittery feeling. Those are my signs of anxiety. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anxiety, so I decided that there’s no feeling I’m not willing to feel. And right now, I’m feeling nauseous and shaky and trying to go with it.

So, I’ve decided to make a list of all of the reasons I’m feeling anxiety right now.

After looking at my list, the one thing that seems to be giving me the most anxiety is the possibility that people will say overly nice things to me after I start losing a lot of weight. And those overly nice things will make me feel angry and hurt because I’m also the overweight me. That’s not a different person they’re talking about.

Of course none of this has happened because I haven’t even started losing weight yet. I am just going through the Stop Overeating Workshop, and it’s bringing back all of these painful memories from the last time I lost weight about 10 years ago.

This is my first month in Scholars, so I’ve learned already that I should probably make a model at this point, but I’m so anxious/angry/frustrated that I can’t even think straight. I could use some help to get out of this spiral.