I need some help with working on anxiety and self-pity. I have always had a tendency to anxiety and it has been predictable in certain situations (putting myself out there to be seen, speaking in public, flying). However, I never really thought I had much self-pity, but darned if this work isn’t uncovering that I do. What I have discovered recently is that I attribute my anxious tendencies to my childhood family (anxiety manifested in our household routinely). And I feel self-pity around that – “My upbringing made me anxious” and things like that.
So my initial work was something like in this sample model where anxiety is the emotion:
C Upcoming event where I will speak
T I can’t put myself out there; I might fail; people will judge me
F Anxiety; shaky; dread
A Avoid those situations
R Limit my possibilities; reinforce fear
So I would work on deliberate models for that.
But what I have recently uncovered is that anxiety is also the circumstance that generates an entirely different model based in self-pity:
C In a situation where I am anxious
T I don’t deserve this baggage. This is my family’s fault. Why couldn’t I have had a different set of models growing up?
F Self-pity; resentment; paralyzed; inferior
A Inaction; hiding; passive
R Don’t take deliberate action; don’t stretch myself
While the results are similar (but not exactly the same), the thoughts and feelings are different. How can I approach this in a way that my brain can work with? I am starting to hear “I am confused and overwhelmed” in my brain – the trickster tools. Is there an order to working with this combination of anxiety and self-pity?
Thanks for your help!