I feel a lot of anxiety (in my chest and throat) over marrying my fiance next year. I had a traumatic divorce and think I should be waiting A LOT longer before I get married to be really very sure about the choice this time. I am so tired of feeling anxious about this positive change in my life. It’s taking over my daily life. I shared my fears with my fiance. He was understanding and didn’t take it personally, but my pushing away the wedding got him ‘thinking’. Is the problem that deep down I don’t believe he is the right man or that it’s my thinking around marriage in general? Here are my models.
Current thought 1:
T: I had a painful divorce, I am afraid to get married again.
F: Anxiety, fear
A: Avoiding feeling fear, day spent talking myself into ‘it’s going to be ok’
R: Avoiding making any wedding arrangements, thinking of upcoming breakup
T: He is the best man I have ever met
F: Excited about the future
A: Make wedding plans
R: Getting married next year
Current thought 2:
T: What if our relationship won’t last?
F: anxiety, fear, despiration
A: stalling the wedding
R: the relationship doesn’t last
T: Whatever comes my way, I will handle
F: Calm, confidence
A: prepare for the wedding
Current thought 3:
T: what if he is not the right person for me?
F: fear and desperation
A: acting needy, demanding daily proof of his affection
R: growing farther apart
T: He is thoughtful, caring and loving
A: showing affection to him
R: stronger bond
Current thought 4:
T: I should wait longer before getting married
F: Anxious, cornered
A: Looking for excuses to push the wedding further and proof that my fiance is ‘the one’
R: avoiding intimacy, potential breakup
T: There is no rule for the bullet proof time period before remarrying
F: calm, confident
A: doing what I know is best now – look forward to the wedding
R: not obsessing over what if
Please let me know your thoughts.