Anxiety over exercise

Hi, I have been trying to rewrite my story about my weight and exercise. I realized recently through the work on racism that I have some work to do there, and I also admit (although not proudly) that I am fat-phobic. Although I notice overweight people, I never think I’m better than them consciously, but clearly, I do think there is something better about being thin.

So if health is important to me, then being bigger in my own body while maintaining weight shouldn’t be an issue. But it is.

My exercise bike broke this morning during my workout, and I ended up being snappy and emotionally eating over it! I could use some coaching on my thoughts about thin privilege/worth and clearly how I used food to buffer my emotions (I knew I was overeating and still kept doing it). I know there are a lot of pieces here. Here is my model:

C: Bike breaks, work out cut short
T: Since I am going to be heavier on the scale tomorrow, I might as well eat (this thought really makes no sense if I value thinness-I am could use some insight here)
F: Helpless
A: Eat food even though I am not hungry, snap at my kids slightly, argue in my head about exercising/ eating/ thinness
R I create a helpless situation

C: Bike breaks
T: That sucks, but that’s ok
F: neutral
A: allow disappointment, remind myself I am more than just an athlete, redirect & use the time to do something productive
R: I round out my identity to include more qualities that being thin

Thank you for your help in advance.