Anxious about starting new job/where did the summer go?


In May I decide to leave my administrative position in my school district for a number of reasons. I feel that teaching is better suited to my strengths. I took a significant pay cut which I am working on recouping through my coaching business on the side.  I am getting anxious that I have not been able to achieve what I had hoped this summer which was to relax, decompress and prepare for my new job.  Now, with only 3 weeks left until I start and 10 of those days away to visit family abroad, I am starting to panic.

Where did the summer go? I am still yelling at my kids, they are not listening to me, I am not relaxed, and I am not prepared to start school. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make things better but am having a hard time figuring out how to start putting it into action. I know part of it is my ADHD and my struggle with prioritizing but I’ve been trying to do work in this area.  I should have make some progress by now.

I’m especially worried because I used to lead the department in which I will be teaching and I’m nervous that after 12 years of telling teachers what to do, I’m not going to be able to walk the talk. I’m not going to know how to handle student issues or plan engaging lesson.  I’m having a little bit of imposter syndrome coupled with regret that I should have just stayed in my other job even though it wasn’t personally fulfilling.

Now I have this added pressure to perform well and I am afraid it will just be another opportunity to let myself, my family, and my students down and people will see me for the anxious mess that I really am. It seems like I am struggling with not being able to carry out the vision of myself that I want to see myself as. I feel like I am failing in all areas of my life- yelling at my kids, relationship with husband, health and fitness, work/school, home organization- my house is a disaster.

I am feeling really overwhelmed and unsure of how to make the transition into the school year a good one when I feel like my home, relationships, health and foundational stuff is a mess and there is not enough time to fix it before the school year starts.  I don’t see what I can possibly do to make things better.  So what I am doing? Fretting, making false efforts to have fun with my kids, buffering with learning, drinking, hanging out with friends (having fake fun it seems) and not actually getting things done because that doesn’t seem fun or relaxing.  How I am supposed to be spending my summer in preparation for the school year?

I have also had to deal with a foot injury that has put a damper on things and have been going to doctors appointments and physical therapy, but that is not resolved yet either. I got my covid booster shot on Saturday and had a reaction to that. It’s like I have these grand plans and then all of these set backs. I’m not sure how to remedy this. Yikes. I am getting more and more stressed as I type.

I had a 20-minute session related to this but I only scratched the surface and need more coaching. The coach asked me to imagine my future self and ask how I would be able to show up in a way that would allow me to create the map of what these next 3 weeks could look like, which made sense at the time, but I’m struggling to do that too. Please help.