Hello Brooke. I have not drank any wine since 17/7/2017. Until today. I decided yesterday that I am going to go to Moxies and if I want to have a 5 oz glass of pinot grio – that it is ok but I can also not have it. I got there and they only serve 6 or 10 oz, so I ordered 6 oz. I enjoyed the wine and felt no urgency to finish it and also had no desire to have more. It did not taste as good as before and my head felt a little fuzzy after. So initially I felt that it was a good thing that I decided to drink it bc it does not hold the same enjoyment it had for me before.
What followed after is what is very troubling to me. I kept on thinking about the last night of drinking wine, the awful argument with my sister and Desmond. I feel so anxious as I am typing this to you. Im trying to think why I feel so awful. Why do I keep thinking of that night…. the resentment towards Desmond is bubbling up in me. Am I feeling guilty about drinking the wine, was it worth it to have all this dark mind babble, am I playing with fire?
Another thought I had, why I planned to have wine was that I really don’t like it when people tell me what to do. I want to decide what goes into my mouth and I want to decide how I live my life, with that then taking full responsibility for my actions.