How to apply the Model to unhappy marriage


Hi Brooke,
Thank you so much for offering SCS! I have known for years that my thinking is creating a lot of my problems in life but have not known how to really change it, or how it needed to be different. Thank you for offering us a tool to use so we can create a different life!!
The most pervasive area of unhappiness in my life has been my marriage (i’ve been married for over 20 years), and I have been unhappy much of that time (with my marriage and my husband), and even miserable during different seasons of our marriage. My husband and I have completely different styles of communication and ways of thinking, therefore typically have very different perspectives which has led to lots of conflict over the years. I love people, activity, adventure, working out, and he goes to work, watches tv, and talks about work, the weather and the cowboys. I tried for years to get him to work out with me and laid that down a couple of years ago (same thing with trying to get him to make friends and have a social life), I am usually either frustrated or bored out of my mind with him, or full of anxiety about what the hell my life is going to look like now that my last child has moved out. I realize it has been my choice to stay in this marriage – when I made the commitment to marry him, I made a commitment for life. He is not a horrible person – he just is someone I do not enjoy living with. If we were not married I would never be friends with him because we have nothing in common, nor do our personalities even mesh. We hardly talk, and rarely do anything together (even when we do it is not fun for me). There have been seasons that I have really tried to connect, be vulnerable, etc. and I have ALWAYS been disappointed b/c he does not know how to respond or go deep with me and my stuff. I have been to see several therapists over the years to work through my disappointment and unhappiness, and we have gone together to a couple of different therapists – nothing has changed. I have wavered between despair, anger, hopelessness, etc for our entire marriage. So, my question is this… How do I apply the model to this issue in my life? It feels so big and I don’t know where to start or how to break it down. Thanks so much for reading all of this!

C