Appropriate goal for 2018

Hello Dear Brooke,

I am done with indulging in overwhelm and confusion and am picking my goal.

I spoke to Suzy yesterday in a tutoring call and she encouraged me to write to you about this one.

I suggested having sex with my husband once per week. (Suzy said to make it more impossible – twice per week!)

This goal brings up so, so many emotions for me, both positive and negative. I haven’t had sex with my husband for several months, and I am the one that wants intimacy more often. He does not. The things I would have to do to make this goal work make my head spin. I have allowed him to be the initiator of sex for the past 15 years, and I have let go of initiating, since the rejections are so painful to me (I know, it’s just my thinking).

I have had so much success and relief this year in regards to my marriage. I have a much more loving, peaceful, happy marriage – and my husband didn’t have to do anything!! He did not suddenly follow my manual (wouldn’t that be wonderful)- but my thought work around my marriage has been transformative. Adding more intimacy to our marriage would be thrilling. And scary.

Is this an inappropriate goal, since this also involves my husband….and I can’t control him? Or should I change my goal to something like so many orgasms per week? (I rarely do this for myself either.)

My other goal was to learn Spanish. This is something that I’ve always said I have wanted to do. This goal does not bring up a lot of emotion for me. I feel like it would be good feather in my cap, as another life skill. I took it in high school and seem to be good at languages. It’s been 30 years since high school, and I speak Spanish to my non-English speaking patients almost every week for 3 years. I am complimented on my Spanish frequently, but I have a limited vocabulary. Basically, the things I’ve taught myself related to my work. I completely flounder when it comes to an outside conversation. I have so, so much to learn.

Both goals would be challenges for me. Thank you for your help Brooke!