Are all expectations a "manual"


I want friends who “have each other’s back” and who show they care. I don’t want superficial friendships that lack honesty and intimacy. Aren’t I creating a manual for my friends? I can’t help feeling that “having expectations” is creating a manual, but then, what happens to my ability to decide what I want if I can’t have expectations? 

Aren’t we supposed to just allow people to be who they are, love them, and not ‘expect” them to behave any certain way? The “right” way is to not make anyone’s behavior, or lack of certain behaviors, mean anything about ourselves. Ok. But, deciding what I do want IS making a choice and judgment about what I believe is “better” for me. Deciding to leave IS making a judgment call about certain relationships I have now and judging them because my expectations are not/ were not met.

How do I think about this better?