Quick Question: My partner and I have had an incredibly low number of arguments over 2017. However, just now, we had an argument. He’s stressed about money – and threw something I purchased (that was in today’s mail) in the trash, without a word. When I came by the trash and saw it, I said “Wow, I’m usually the passive-aggressive one”. Then about a 7-minute argument ensued where he said why he hates the thing I bought – and I brought up how things he buys are okay, but not things I buy. Fun times. 😉
I went to my office, took a breathe, and let it go. It’s like Byron Katie says – We’re both innocent. We’re just playing out our mind’s thoughts – so who can fault us for that? Nothing to forgive, just move on. (That was my thinking)
So I went back to the rest of the house to do some chores, whistling to the music and honestly, over the situation. And my partner was seemingly over the situation, too. He joked “Where’s my huggy-wuggies” and we hugged it out.
I guess my question is – Is this a thing? LOL. I mean – I absolutely, totally get where he’s coming from with money – and we’re both simultaneously working on projects to generate money. And things feel like they’re moving in a positive direction. I think he was triggered by looking at our bank account earlier this morning – before the thing arrived in the mail – and being reminded of the monthly charge associated with the thing just set off the response with throwing my item in the trash.
I guess I’m just wondering how you would handle this? I know my response precipitated the rest of the fight. My comment was a “defensive” move – and I didn’t need to be defensive. I could have taken the item out of the trash without comment. I could still understand his thinking on this and be compassionate in the moment. It just felt like such an “in the moment” immediate response of anger from me – because the item in the trash is education that’s helping me with my new business and has helped me grow incredibly in 2017 – and he’s previously agreed that the charge has been worth it. Now, today, it’s in the trash and he hates it.
Anyway – My brain is doing some loops trying to figure out what’s what with this. When a person has a disagreement with another person, is there a requirement to come to an understanding – or can you simply “agree to disagree”? Meaning – He knows he’s right. I believe I’m right. And I also – a bit deeper – realize there is no right. There’s just 2 shades of right. And if we invited 100 people over and told them the situation, there’d be 100 more shades of right. But we’re both doing what our mind’s believe are right – and they’re at odds with one another. The argument has dropped and the emotion with it – but I also know the underlying beef about the “thing” I purchased is still there with him.
What do you do in these situations where you disagree with a spouse? Especially when you both have the perception you’re “right” and the other isn’t seeing the bigger picture. Thoughts on this?