I had an argument with my husband last night when I learned about something he’s been planning to do.
He is a musician and has not had much work since COVID (he has played 3 gigs total, all in September). He just told me last night that he and his three bands are going to record new music videos over the next three weekends. He has been planning this for the last several weeks. I feel incredibly hurt and betrayed and angry; the most painful thought seems to be “he is a liar” (and different versions of that).
Since March, he has said that he will not risk the health or safety of his bands. He will not bring people together until it is safe to do so. He talks about all the “other people” who don’t follow the rules and guidelines and how they ruin it for everyone. He said that all the “other people” are selfish and just don’t care about the health of our country. And yet, he is now going back on his word and bringing together 30 musicians over three weeks to be playing, singing, and dancing, in close quarters to shoot these videos without masks.
I have a precondition that makes me a higher risk for COVID, and I have been extra cautious about going out, being around others, etc. My brain is having a heyday with this one.
Here is the model I have, but I’m stuck with the R.
C: Husband has 3 music video shoots scheduled for the next three weeks. He did not tell me about this until last night after all the details of the shoots were confirmed with the members/videographer/manager.
T: He is a liar
A: Fight with husband last night; leave the family room and go to bed; download my thoughts; text a friend; ruminate over the situation; look for other areas where he avoided telling me information to keep me out of the loop; I don’t try to understand it from his perspective; I didn’t go back downstairs to talk about it further; I don’t look for evidence to prove that he is not a liar. I close down to the possibility that this could be okay.
I know that I’d usually put some version of “I am a liar” in the R line. I am having a hard time seeing that fit, though I’m sure it’s there. Maybe I am lying to myself by not trying to see his point of view?
Any insight would be helpful. I want to get back to love. Love feels amazing. But right now my thoughts are so far away from loving that it seems impossible. Thank you.