I have a friend and our relationship has became strained. We used to be so close but it feels like if I say “the sky is blue” she will argue and say it’s pink. I’ve never really argued with friends or with her at all until this year. She will suddenly tell me she doesn’t agree and that I’m wrong and she is disapproving. I’m quite non-confrontational but I do try and hold my ground and defend myself. I’m getting tired of it.
Today she asked me if I am at home for Christmas. She said, “Are you in full lockdown? I guess its a great excuse to not see family!”
I’m right on the border of a fully locked down area however where I live and where my mother lives is not in lockdown. I told her I was going to my mum’s for Christmas, and my sister (that lives 2 minutes away in a fully locked down area) is also going to my mum’s. I told my friend I gave my approval when my sister asked if I minded her going to my mum’s. She’s had a negative Covid test and is isolating up until Christmas so I don’t mind. I also told her that my dad was annoyed that I wasn’t going around there for dinner tonight, it was arranged before his area went into full lockdown and now it’s in lockdown so I’m not going. I said to her that I find it surprising that people aren’t taking it very seriously still.”
She then started saying “What will it take for people to take this seriously?” I agreed and I said I don’t think people ever will and I thought we were just chatting about it. It was over text, so it was hard to know her tone, but I sensed after a while it was more like she was looking for an argument. She said, “I guess I’m not the right person to talk to about spending Christmas with families.”
I haven’t replied as I don’t know what to say. I wanted to say “I guess not” or “You asked me”, but it seems childish and will probably rile her up more. She is British and lives in Canada. She is staying with her ex (who is also her best friend) for Christmas. I had asked her at the start of the conversation about this, and how everything was going and I also asked when she leaves to go see him and she didn’t answer the questions.
So this is how I interpret it all: She asked me about my Christmas and family. I told her, she didn’t approve of my answer or what my sister is doing (and possibly disapproved of me okaying it). She just wanted to keep telling me what a state the UK will be in and that there will be food shortages.
Sometimes I think I should walk away from the friendship but last year I told her a something I did/went through that I feel a huge amount of shame around. We used to talk about it a lot. I think maybe I’m holding onto the friendship because I’m worried she’ll tell someone, or I think I’m bothered that I haven’t actually had the chance to tell her I have gotten through it now (because our relationship is so rocky we haven’t spoken on the phone for months).