Around Others

Hi Brooke, I spent some time with friends of my fiancé last night and whenever I’m around them I get a boat load of shit thoughts that come up (yay!). I don’t enjoy spending time with them because I feel so shitty about myself, but I know it’s going to help me. It brings up all my crap. I have two models so far and I was wondering if I am on the right track? I’m really trying to get better at getting the result down. Here they are:
C Around Others
T I’m really awkward and have nothing interesting to say.
F uncomfortable
A stay really quiet or say random things to fill up the space, beat myself up in my head
R Be awkward?

C Around others
T I should be more outgoing.
F Aniexty? Uncomfortable
A beat myself up when I think I’m not being outgoing, notice how others are being more outgoing, beat myself up some more
R ?

I’m asking myself why about all of it. These thoughts do not serve me as they make my time with his friends so full of self loathing and discomfort. I know it’s all from my thoughts. It all feels true right now – the crap thoughts. So Why? I feel like I have nothing interesting to say because I don’t drink and I don’t have crazy stories. I also feel like I should be more outgoing because my fiancé is and because people like someone who is outgoing. It’s sounds like a lot of crap and people pleasing. Any advice on where to get more neutral? I know I should all over myself. Is there a step to start backing out of the shoulding? I’ve also asked myself the opposite – Maybe I shouldn’t be more outgoing. Maybe I am awkward? So what? I come back to people won’t like me. So what? I’ll be lonely forever and I’ll be an outcast. No one will be able to lift me up.

What is one step to start supporting myself and backing out of people pleasing? (I’m asking myself this too.) thanks Brooke!