As a parent isn’t my job to shape/change my child’s behavior?

Hi There,
I’m new to Scholars this month and am fascinated and excited by all there is to learn.

One concept I am trying to wrap by head around is that other people are circumstances and I can’t control their actions. I watched Brooke’s live coaching yesterday and all 4 of the people she coached were having relationship issues: 2 with mothers, 1 with a boss and the last with a husband who drinks. On the 1st three I could get how they needed to change their thinking about the boss and the mothers to change their feelings and results. But on the 4th call I couldn’t accept the idea of not being bothered by a person you love doing something that is detrimental to their well being. I can accept that we can’t control other people’s actions, but I do believe we can influence them by our actions and words and I believe that life coaches must believe that as well or else why bother.

Where this is particularly confusing to me is as a parent. If my child is doing something wrong, illegal, or that can be harmful to them, I believe it is my job to figure out how to help them change their behavior. I’m learning that I don’t have to do that with anger, that I can choose to think about the “bad” behavior with love and compassion, and then approach conversations from that place — but my goal and the result I am after is still going to be to change my child’s behavior — which I think the Model is telling me I can’t do.

What am I getting wrong here?