Ashamed about not moving forward

I’m feeling so ashamed. I watch the overeating videos while snacking on chips and watch the overdrinking videos while catching a buzz. Its like my mind just wants to see whats possible, but doesn’t wait to commit yet. But I really DO want to change. Ive never had weight ir drinking issues until the past 3 years, after having my daughter. Part of me cant believe I’m getting overweight and struggling with this at all. Please help with guiding me to the first steps to take from tbis place that feels really shitty…I’m usually so good with discipline and sticking to plans.