Ask Brooke – What Did Just Happen?

Hi Brooke,

I was the one who asked you several questions ago about my massage therapist who is leaving back to his country.
After my intentional model revealed to me that the way to actually feel more connected even though he is leaving is to take him out to lunch, indeed I reached out and done so.

A brief background – I am married for six years and my husband and I haven’t had any intimacy whatsoever for about five years now. We live like really great friends, enjoy each other’s company and for those reasons, I guess, choose to stay.
Cheating was never an option for me to even think about and my record is clean since we got married.

The day I went to say goodbye to my massage therapist, I showered and got ready to go and meet him and noticed suddenly a thought that sais, ‘Hey, maybe he will give you a last massage, maybe something more.’
I quickly dismissed that awful thought and got mad at myself for even thinking for a moment that it is an option and decided then and chose deliberately not to shave or wear any sexual underwear so this will not be an option.

Four hours after we met that afternoon, we were still enjoying an emotional conversation where he shared with me how lonely he was all the last years in America, all over a wonderful meal that included also two bottles of wine.
I found myself sharing my marriage situation and he then asked me if I wanted to see where he lives and apologized in advance for the poor conditions I am about to see.

Of all the men in the world, of all my unshaved legs days, I found myself cheating on my husband for the first time with a man who is old enough to be my father but to whom I suddenly had an unexplained attraction and a deep desire to leave him feel loved and wanted, even though I ended up feeling that way too.
On my way home I was surprised to notice that I feel no guilt or shame but rather understanding to the humanness of what just happened. Alcohol played a part at my seeking pleasure, hunger of two people to be loved for many years, and apparently unshaved legs do not count for some men.
I know for a fact that my husband have his fair share of cheating and perhaps that is why I did not feel guilty, but what I am filled with now is wanting more of everything I felt that day. That connection, that physical attraction, the possibility that I might still find someone to have such connection with in the future.

What did just happen?