Asking for what you need

This relationship work is very eye opening!

I know that we can always choose to operate from love, but isn’t there a place for asking what you need? And if you ask (from a place of love) and nothing changes, then what? I just suck it up and deal with it?

Example: I have a very hard time with my stepson. He was the first person I picked for the assignments this month and I’ve been trying to have a better, loving attitude toward him. One thing that drives me crazy is his hygiene. He doesn’t shower very often, wears socks several days before changing them, and seriously STINKS!! His room smells absolutely awful and it’s right above my at-home office, so the smell comes through the heat vents.

On Monday, I kindly talked to my husband about it and asked him if he could please ask this son to get all his laundry washed and his room aired out. My husband talked to him, but nothing happened. Of course, his son had lots of excuses about why he hadn’t done it yet (and my husband is easily manipulated and believes them all.) Last night, it still wasn’t done and I lost it! I was so frustrated and wasn’t very nice to him or my husband. His son washed one tiny load of laundry and then said it was done, but I knew it wasn’t and his room still reeked!

I told my husband if it didn’t get done, I was going to go into the son’s room today and throw everything away that still smelled. I realize this is a threat and not a boundary, and I never should have said it because it’s not something I would follow through with.

We have a very hard time setting consequences because if I try to enforce them, his son ignores me, and my husband won’t enforce them.

How do I handle situations like this so my needs get met, but still keep the focus loving? This is just one tiny example of the power struggle I have with this stepson. I’m seriously ready to move out!!