At a cross-roads

I am feeling like I am at a cross-roads. I know what I want…I doubt it. I am worried unconsciously that I am running away because things are getting more difficult, because I have done that in the past. Yet, at the same time I am feeling completely confident like this is what I have wanted for a long time and now I have the support of my husband.

Inside, I also feel regret about not taking this leap several years ago when I knew I was a life coach. I knew this was the place I wanted to be but I didn’t pursue it. I wasn’t confident enough. I didn’t feel qualified. I didn’t have the money. I didn’t feel supported by me. I knew I wanted it. I was scared to go and get it. I was scared of what others would think. Mainly family members and God. But now I feel confident. Like I have my own back and can do this.

But now I worry that subconsciously I am running away from something, my master’s degree, which I wanted and pursued because I can get a loan for it and because it is a more widely supported path from my family, and I really do want to know and understand this part of mental health. I am getting up to the practicum part of my degree and I am thinking things like, “this is going to take more time and effort than I thought. Can I maintain this schedule? Is that sacrifice worth it?” Especially since I am going to just get certified as a coach anyway after I graduate.

I am worried that I will get into the life coach school and have the same experience. Where I worry about the practicum work taking too much time and then my brain will be like, “this isn’t really what you wanted. This is too big a sacrifice for your family. Your special needs children are far more important. You should quit this program and be home with them.”
I want to be sure in what I am doing without this doubt in the back of my mind. I want surety and alignment. But it’s strange because I feel like my alignment is shifting every 8 months or so.

Sixteen months ago working at the local library was what I felt I needed to do. I did that for 6 months then quit because I wanted to get my masters degree. “That’s what I really wanted to do with my time”. So I started my master degree and now 8 months in I feel like “This isn’t really what I wanted to do with my time”. The truth is that I wanted to do life coaching years ago but didn’t. Now it’s coming back but I seem to also be showing a pattern trying something then decide it isn’t for me. Then try something else and decide it isn’t for me. Will I do the same with life coaching?

Another factor is that my son is now showing learning disabilities. I have two children with learning disabilities (6 and 2 years old) and I have found a program that I can do with both of them and people are getting results from this program. Helping their children overcome their learning disabilities. The program is time intensive (20 per week at the minimum). I need that much for my master degree. I am also doing my own podcast and creating a course for the clients I want to help. Mathematically there are not enough hours in the day to do all of this (I have not yet started the program with my kids).

Prioritizing them what is most important to me is:
1. My kids and doing the program with them
2. Getting my coaching business off the ground and going to coaching school
3. Getting my master degree in Marriage and Family Therapy

Again, I worry I am quitting because I know have to get a practicum sight and it is proving to be harder than I thought. How do I figure out if I am running away from something or towards something? I don’t want to undermine myself by starting the coaching program then quitting when it gets to hard or time intensive. Or doing the same with my kids program. But I want my business to be coaching. I have kept my podcast going amidst all of this and have started a course and kept my master program going. I do have evidence that I really want this and can manage a busy schedule, but I am feeling burnt out and spread thin. I want to feel surety and alignment with my life decisions and daily living. How do I get these feelings honestly and in a way and take to the end of a goal?