At home mold test


I have hyperthyroidism, and my functional medicine doctor ran some tests and said one likely cause of it is due to black mold found in my immune system. He recommended I get an at home mold test done. I was researching two options he sent me, and I mentioned that to my boyfriend when he walked in a few minutes ago to see how I was doing.

He instantly got very worried when I said I’m researching potentially doing an at home mold test for my black mold infection. I got defensive. Rolling my eyes. Saying I wasn’t looking for your opinion, I was just stating what I was doing.

He said I’m just nervous about what happens after that? What if we do have mold? What are we going to maybe have to do about it? It might turn into a big deal. And isn’t mold a common thing, like I wonder if it’s relatively common around here? Don’t most houses have mold? Even if we do have it, like what is that test even going to do? I wonder if we even should go through with it/doing the test?

Somewhere in here is my defensive model, but what I’m more concerned about is the model with F: unloved

C: boyfriend has doubts and concerns about a mold test for this house
T: He doesn’t care about my health (parentheses thought: or else he would be on board for doing whatever it takes to remove the possible mold, if there is some in this house).
F: Unloved
A: Roll my eyes, get defensive, end the conversation by saying “I wasn’t telling you so I could get your opinion necessarily, I was just letting you know what I was doing.” then I turned around in my computer chair and faced back toward my desk and my back to him and continued researching on my computer.
R: I don’t care about my health. (Because if I 100% did without a doubt, this conversation would have gone like oh I hear you honey but I’ll do whatever it takes to take care of this, for my own sake, it’s ok if you have doubts that’s totally fine, etc.)

Is my result right? Would love some feedback on the model.

Why does it feel so good right now to pick a fight with him? It doesn’t make sense but it also does because I guess it’s a buffer against feeling rejected, which I made up in my own brain anyway. My brain says let’s cause a scene over here to distract her from feeling rejected, and that also might get boyfriend’s attention to let him know this is important to me.

How can I support myself here? How can I love myself here? I, too, have doubts and concerns about this test and what the results will entail. I may go do a worst case scenario exercise. Thanks coaches!