Attached to an item


This feels silly. My mom bought me a little mirror that I asked for probably ten years ago. It’s not anything special. It’s not an heirloom or anything, but I never used it. Mostly because I didn’t know how to mount it to the wall, and now I have a hand mirror that I like.

Anyway, I’m in the middle of moving and I can’t throw the mirror out or sell it. I just can’t. It’s as though I feel like it’s infused with her love or something, and tossing it feels like throwing away a piece of her. I know that sounds ridiculous. She’s alive, our relationship isn’t what I want it to be, and that makes me sad. But I have no use for this mirror and I can’t toss it. It’s like, I feel like she thought about what I would like, she went to a store and looked at all the mirrors, she picked one out for me hoping I’d like it. And I’m just like going to throw it away? Who am I to just throw away something she gave to me? I’m a piece of . . . (I know that sounds harsh, just my thoughts).

But I also have this thought about dating too. It’s really hard for me to reject a guy that I don’t feel romantically inclined to date because I feel like, who am I to just reject this human who has given me everything they have? I’m a terrible person. It’s oddly almost the exact same feeling. Is it guilt? I think it’s kind of guilt.

C: Mirror under bathroom sink brand new in box that was purchased by mother many years ago
T: Who am I to just throw away something she gave to me? I guess the answer to this is that I am an ungrateful and selfish person who doesn’t appreciate anything (also some rendition of there’s something wrong with me, causing feelings of shame)
F: Guilty
A: Keep the mirror
R: I’m really not sure! I feel guilt instead of gratitude, appreciation, and connection?

Same thing with rejecting a guy.
C: lack of / loss of romantic desire for man
T: Who am I to reject this perfectly wonderful, caring, nice person? Answer: I am an ungrateful and selfish person who doesn’t appreciate anything and will never be happy (also the “something’s wrong with me” thought here too)
F: Guilty
A: I have a super hard time ending relationships, I stay in relationships way too long trying not to hurt them, I don’t honor my own feelings, I don’t communicate honestly and openly, I act like a coward, I sugar-coat things, I people please, I try not to hurt someone (also, I “keep” the relationship)
R: I am a selfish people-pleaser, and I create an experience of misery for myself

This is interesting. I think there’s something to learn from the second model to help me understand my first model, but I can’t see it!

Can you help me out with either of these models?

Thank you!!