Attached to the outcome

Here’s what showed up in my models on my impossible goal today:

I notice that I am tracking my calories and food a little more aggressively since I haven’t been losing weight the past couple of weeks even though I’ve stuck to protocol and greatly reduced my alcohol consumption. I started to track my food in myfitnesspal so that I can see how macros impact me, and just be more aware of what exactly I’m eating in a nicely trackable way.

C. Tracking food protocol
T. I’m eating few enough calories that I should lose weight and then I can eat like normal
F. Hopeful but also a lot of constriction, pressure, tension, forceful
A. Track things very closely, but I’m doing it FOR the result
R. I’m going to get frustrated if I don’t lose weight. I don’t eat in a normal sustainable way.

I notice the reason that I have the urgency to lose weight is because I feel like once I do, I will believe I can do anything. When I don’t lose weight fast enough, I start to lose hope that I can believe I can do anything, and that feels awful and graspy and desperate.

C Protocol
T When I hit my goal weight I will believe that I can do anything
F Waiting, pressure, like, I’m not quite there. What’s this feeling called? Also has a feeling of desperate in it
A I try really hard to hit my goal, push my limits, don’t have any fun, get really strict with myself and my plan, I travel with a scale, I track in my fitness pal, I obsess about how to hit the goal with an energy of desperation
R. I withhold belief in myself until I achieve the goal – which, I think, prevents me from being able to achieve the goal

Okay, this is quite interesting and clear. What I really want is to believe in the model and to believe in myself, but I want evidence SO BAD. I can see that I have put the cart before the horse.

Can you guys help me come up with some beliefs to start to believe without evidence? I think this is really holding me back.

Here are some I’ve come up with:
– There will be times when I don’t believe without evidence, and that’s okay – it’s how my brain has been programmed by society
– I am learning to become a person who believes that I can believe without evidence
– I am willing to try believing before I have evidence, even just for a day
– Who would I be without the thought “I need evidence to believe in myself?” This is something for me to ponder a little more. I believe it would make me whimsical, unintelligent, and unwise. Maybe this is really the belief I need to be working on?

Very open to feedback. Thank you.