Attracted to other men

I’m married with kids and want to stay in my marriage. However, I find myself feeling attracted to other men and one friend in particular. We work together and he is single. If we ever touch (brush arms, a hug, etc) I feel this huge rush.

I’m always thinking about him and wanting to talk to him. He talks to me about things he doesn’t talk to anyone else about. My husband has a terminal illness and will probably die in a year or so. I find myself thinking how much I would like to be with this other man and sometimes feeling impatient for my husband to pass.

I feel really bad saying that, it’s a terrible thing to think about anybody. I do love my husband but I don’t feel the same spark or sexual tension that I used to and I don’t know how to get it back. Sometimes I pretend he is the other man I mentioned and that helps but I also feel guilty about that because if he knew I was thinking about another man, he would not like that.

And I also know I’m just pretending and I don’t like that and feel dishonest with myself. Besides, if I can’t rekindle the sexual attraction in my current relationship, I know that even if I were with the other guy, the same thing would probably happen again with him too.

When it’s new it just automatically feels so exciting and romantic to me. I don’t know what to think about my current marriage to produce that because the same thoughts I have about this other man that produce attraction don’t apply to my husband.

And even the same thoughts I had when I was first dating my husband no longer apply. I want to learn to love him more, just struggling with how and feeling guilty that the feelings of attraction for the other man come so effortlessly and constantly.

I don’t want to go through a divorce. Since I know my husband’s time is limited, I want to be patient, faithful, and fully enjoy the relationship I’m in while it still lasts. Help!